This weekend, we celebrated my parent’s 60th anniversary. My family has been talking about it for months, and we were excited to finally come together to honor them.
After thinking about it, I had to consider - am I doing this for myself, because I personally wanted this to be celebrated? And the answer was yes.
So I took a step back, and then had a discussion with my parents about what THEY want, which was really just to have another moment with family together.
So that’s what we did.
It was a small affair, per their request. Quite different from their 50th. And short - at most 2 hours, and to have small groups coming in and out rather than one large celebration.
As the organizer, I had to decide what makes a celebration like this important? It boils down to people wanting to express their love and respect. But in this instance, on a short schedule and tight time limit.
That’s when I decided to focus on the ritual aspects of anniversaries. A cake, shared memories, and a small memento of the occasion. Leave out the speeches, the long dinners, gift opening, and all the other trappings of a normal anniversary party.
First the cake. Obviously, with just 10-15 people it had to be small. But I wanted it to incorporate important aspects of their story.
My parents’ wedding was complete chaos. A giant blizzard roared into town just as they were about to start. The minister, my dad’s parents, and most guests got caught in the snow and didn’t make it. My parents were determined to have the wedding, and pushed forward.
They found a cousin that could serve as a minister (officially) that was at the church. Luckily the cake and flowers had been delivered the day before and were ready to go.
After the wedding, my grandfather offered to have them stay at their house for the night. My dad said “Absolutely not” and they forged through massive snow pile-ups until they found a hotel and stayed there for one night before conceding and returning to my grandparents to wait out the storm.
So I made the cake snow themed, of course. The topper was their actual wedding topper from 60 years ago, which has been preserved in a glass dome over the years in our dining room cabinet.
It would be sliced with a serving knife I bought for their 50th. And the punch would be served from a gift they received at their wedding, a crystal punch bowl. This bowl has only been used at very special occasions, like my grandparent’s 50th, my siblings’ weddings, and my parent’s own 50th and 60th. I expect these items will be used at my niece’s own weddings and maybe their own children as well.
As people gathered at their scheduled time, I had a slideshow of photos for people to watch and laugh about, and a moment for each group to express their happiness to the couple before I moved them on to the cake and punch.
Before leaving, guests could grab a couple little mementos of the occasion - the obligatory custom cocktail napkin along with an ice scraper celebrating their 60th anniversary. This was quite a hit, by the way.
All of this happened several times, in 30 minute increments for different groups.
And just like that original day, 60 years ago, another snow storm blew through and kept some people from attending. I was ready for that, and had Facetime calls ready to go. Again, limited timelines for each conversation. We’re on a schedule, people! Chop chop!
Happy, but tired, they made it through the hour and a half and a bit longer - and were able to keep the rest of their day on schedule.
Those moments of ritual - sharing a moment with the couple, seeing the cake and honoring physical tokens from the original event made the quick celebration a success. People felt a part of the occasion and provided a chance to celebrate and share their respect and love for the couple.
In the end, it’s more about their loved ones than it was about them.
And my parents understood that from the beginning. It took me a little longer.
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